Reflecting on my childhood low self-esteem

Someone once said, ‘wherever there is an action there is a reaction.’ I always ask myself why I never did anything when he first slapped me and the rest of the times that he beat me. And the first thing that comes to mind is how I had low self-esteem then. I never had any confidence to stand up for myself. The best thing I knew to do was to keep quiet and just walk away, hoping things would work out for themselves. And this goes back to my childhood. I am not playing the blame game, but it is true that my surroundings growing up shaped me to be person with low self-esteem.

Then, I was just a young babe and did not realise that the words people said to me affected me deeply. Even as I grew older those spoken words over my life still had a strong effect. A scripture in Ephesians 4:29 says, ‘Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.’ Naturally I have big ears and a big nose however, what I did not understand as a child was that, that big nose was a trademark of everyone in the Chikwekwete family. How do people know us as a family? We have a distinctive nose, that makes us unique and which should be celebrated.

Unfortunately I was teased because of my unique features. I have always been of slim built, and when you are constantly reminded of how skinny you are or your legs are and compared to other people it does not do you any good. As a result I thought that I was inferior and not beautiful. I don’t ever remember a time when I was younger when I looked into the mirror as said, you are beautiful on the other hand, yet I saw the beauty of other people.
The good thing is that today I look at myself in the mirror and remind myself of how drop dead gorgeous I am. I look past the ears, nose, slim built and skinny legs and see a beautiful, kind, humble, giving and joyous soul. Anyone else can comment on my looks, however it comes in from one ear and goes out of the other. I have since learnt that I have the full authority of anything that is spoken over me and so I filter what goes inside my ears, eyes and mind.
The questions I leave to you as a reader are:

  • Are you being careless with your comments or words?
  • Do you always compare other people?
  • Is it really necessary to comment on how other people look like?
  • Do you realise how your carelessness is affecting your family, friends, relatives, children, co-workers and everyone around you?
  • Do you realise you are the reason someone has low self-esteem issues?

Proverbs 13:2 says, “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
I encourage you not to be reckless with your words, speak life and hope into other people’s lives. For the full video visit

https://www.facebook.com/ameditationondomesticviolenceandabuse/videos/296566560848684/

Feel free to comment, share and add your own views.

11 thoughts on “Reflecting on my childhood low self-esteem”

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